i haven't updated this place since around the second week of january. there's a few reasons for that. (one of them is i forgot how to write html)
so i'm fine now. things are settling. and i'm fine. getting that out of the way. there is no danger! there are no health emergencies or anything like that.
i'm not going to get too much into it but i will summarize and say. i went to frosty faustings xvii in january. i had good times and bad times.
good times include: meeting friends! and hanging out! and watching +r top 8 from the front row. there were good times had.
bad times include: my relationship with my partner of 2-3 years (idk i'm not going to count now i'll get sad) exploding and dying and this leaving me stuck in bed a lot of the time most days during the event.
i'm still not recovered fully from it and i doubt i will be for some time still. i'm not going to vent about it here. i will spare you. it's just a big change for me. i thought we might have a future together. and now i have to figure out what my life with much less of her looks like.
well a lot of it is the same and some of it. is different. how about that. could you have guessed. (you would tell me if i'm actually insufferable wouldn't you?)
i've been reading yuri. as usual! but not as much as i would like honestly. a lot of it hits different now as you might expect. what's different from before is that i actually read several yuri visual novels instead of manga or light novels. a few from itch.io and a couple on steam. i won't go over all of them but from itch.io i really enjoyed "pathetic predator" by fawxplus and "slime feet" by nadia nova. "pathetic predator" gets points for creative use of spider monster anatomy. "slime feet" gets points for making me sob at my desk. and also being really hot. highly recommend either or both if you are a pervert, though do mind the content warnings carefully.
on steam i played "malcatras' maiden" by nadia nova and "cage of roses" by ebi-hime. "malmaid" gets points for being dark and suspenseful and especially for the epilogue scene that rewired my brain completely. "cage of roses" gets points for really really hitting close to home. i could and maybe will just go on to write just about what hit for me in particular. but it also gets tied into breakup related stuff so i'm not sure i will. just the way they wrote about vampires' cursed existence. it made me feel a lot. excellent works both.
i also played from itch.io ebi-hime's "the end of an obsession" which is a sequel to her "it gets so lonely here". i think you can download them both free from itch. i really like them both a lot. the presentation does a lot for me with the ui layout and the 4:3 windowed look. very good yandere yuri in both. lots of bad ends to enjoy across the duology, highly recommend.
as far as other stuff goes. i got into void stranger with the help of a close friend who very kindly bought it for me. i saw how it helped my friend with its grief and thought. well now's a good time for me to play it as well. and i'm so glad i gave it a try. i had put it off up until recently because. i played developer system erasure's other game "zero ranger" and had a lot of trouble with it since it's a shmup and i'm not very good at them. or i don't have much experience with them. and i imagined i would have similar difficulties with void stranger. it's a sokoban-style puzzle game. and i thought. i honestly thought. that i would be too head empty to be able to complete it.
luckily for humanity this is not the case. void stranger does a wonderful job in my opinion of building up your understanding of all its mechanics and quirks. that does not mean there are not difficult puzzles. oh. there are devilish puzzles indeed. there are puzzles that i put aside until the next day and spent half my waking hours thinking about on and off. but what's important for me is that it doesn't ever feel like you're hopeless. you have all the tools you need to complete it. you can do it as long as you keep at it. keep thinking and trying new things. keep looking for different routes towards a solution. you will get through it. and it feels so good every time that you do. every time you look at the puzzle and say things like (and these are real quotes of mine)
"oh my god. this is evillllll lmao. i think i know what i have to do hahahaha."
"NO. THE TECHNIQUE. MY TECHNIQUE I LITERALLY LEARNED AND MENTIONED TODAY. FUCK ME IM SO SMART."
it's genuinely an amazing time on the merits of the puzzles alone. they are excellently designed.
but void stranger also has a story that's very compelling along with its trials, and i got very attached to its characters as well. i cried. a lot. multiple times. playing through void stranger. it's absolutely beautiful. it is a must play. it's ten dollars. you have to play it so it takes over your brain and you never look at the world the same again. you owe it to yourself to play void stranger. seriously.
i'm so sorry that this post has gone on so long, by the way. i wanted to stop after the last section but i would be so wrong not to mention getting back on guilty gear xrd. after not having played it at all for genuinely over a year. how does this happen?
it happens after aforementioned breakup stuff. without my usual comfy vc group anymore i needed to find other things to put that time to. virtua fighter 5 came out on steam. i join a discord to maybe get games with people. i did get games like i think all of twice so that didn't go as planned. but i did see my friend posting its xrd bracket and i went. yeah why not. having not played in so long and xrd never once being my main game. i said yeah i need stuff to do. and uhh to be honest the first bracket i entered was really rough. my bracket run was over in like 5 minutes lol. i honestly felt. dreadful haha. just very frustrated. even though i knew the people i lost to were just better than me especially the one who went on to win the tournament.
but it doesn't end there thankfully. the same server also started very recently hosting an "all skill level exhibitions" series where you get paired against someone close to your own strength and you play first to 5 wins on stream. and this was a lot more fun for me. for one there wasn't any "tournament-induced stress" such as the amount you get to play being limited by your performance. being matched against someone of similar ability means it's very unlikely you would get hopelessly blown up or not really get a chance to play. and everyone in it just gets the one set. so for me it was easier to be like ok my turns done, let's watch everyone else now. which is what i did. it was a really great time both playing and spectating and i'm looking forward to the next one!
this week i think (i am saying "i think" because the roster hasn't been announced officially. but like i'm pretty sure.) i will be on again to play my new combination friend and training partner. she's fantastic. it's been lots of fun to play games and work on improving together. it's just fun! like it doesn't feel like a grind or work or anything. just playing games with a friend and also coincidentally we wanna get better to beat each other and everyone else up better. something i really like is that when i lose a set i'm genuinely legitimately happy and proud instead of feeling bad about losing. like no matter what it's just like "wow look how far we're getting. cool!" this is the most excited i've been about learning a fighting game in years. i'm just really happy and excited about it haha.
things are going to be ok! better than ok even things are actually really good. there's lots for me to enjoy every single day. i will finally conclude writing this monster of an update here, before i get very very emotional haha.
if you made it to the end of this thank you. i'll try to get back into writing here more soon. i really do enjoy this and i definitely missed it.
- bea